Secret Messages in my cookies.

Those of you who have never heard of the "choco cream snack" known simply as "Yan Yan", please take a moment to lament your loss.



They are so tasty that I forgive them for their misspelling of the word "chocolity". Perhaps they were just trying to be "cute". I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. They might have been trying to appeal to their audience, widely made up of elementary school children who may or may not know how to spell their own names. "Meijii", the company behind this delicious treat, has wisely included "secret messages", now known as "fun lines". I believe they teach us all valuable life lessons. Such as:



Children, stand up for what you believe in! Don't be afraid to speak up! Use exclamation points at the end of every sentence! Don't listen to your teacher. There's no such thing as "proper grammar". Fortune favors the brave, and people are afraid of other people who yell a lot. Ahhh, I feel the wisdom seeping into my pores. Also important children, do not be afraid to use strategically placed bold words and/or capitalized letters to MAKE A POINT!



Children, this message is no secret, eat healthy. Or else you'll die. Very soon. Personally I think the yanyan people should've put more thought into this message. Target your demographic people! The people who eat yanyans aren't going to be conscious about their health. Come on, we're dipping fatty cookie sticks into fatty chocolate cream here. Most of us aren't going to wash this down with carrot juice. I think a more fitting lesson would've been "dung beetle: eat crap". Meijii cookie company, feel free to use that one. You're welcome.



Life lesson number 4: Don't be fat or people will call you names.




Ah, perhaps one of the most important lessons of all. Much like this secret message, sometimes life just doesn't make any sense. At all. Or sometimes you might just be too slow to get it. Just nod and smile. Pretend you understand. Then dip it in delicious chocolatey cream and eat it.

I feel so relieved to know that children these days are receiving such vital life lessons in their food. Back in my day we had to learn this stuff from books and adults. Neither of which taste nearly as good as yanyan. Although, if books came with chocolate dip it might even the odds a little bit.



Did you know that giraffes are the tallest mammal? I didn't either. Until my cookies told me. The moral of this story: eat YanYan or perish, sweater monkeys.